So, here’s that part I took out from the original draft from the review. It’s basically the timeline explained in length (3 whole paragraphs, to be precise). I kept it and post it here because there’s still some things I go into detail about how mishandled the time traveling and messing/fixing was but weren’t as important for the main point of my rant.
Anyway, here it is, just assume this goes instead of the sentence where I re-directed you to here:
[…] They cocked up the time traveling string of logic they were trying to use!
Allow me to expand. Skipping that first part where the story begins, then reboots and then takes off from where we left, the linear story tells us (and for the sake of argument, let’s call this the “original” time line) that Joe killed his future self as it was going to be contractual at some point, lived his life, met the Asian woman that took him out from the wrong path and met his destiny 30 years later, but, for story matching purposes, he manages to kill the hit men that were supposed to send him back in time, goes back in time anyway and escapes his younger self from killing him. So far so dandy. With his knowledge from the future, Old Joe tries to convince Young Joe to go and kill the younger version of Dan (by the way, Young Joe, regardless of time line, already knows about Dan, because Jeff Daniels told him about him because he was hired by Dan to go back to the past and do deedly doo, this is important to keep in mind), so he won’t exist in the future and everything will be fine.
After failing to do so, Old Joe goes and tries to locate Young Dan and kill him. And Young Joe, after stealing one of the locations Old Joe pinned down where the kid might be, he sets base at this farm house in the middle of nowhere waiting for Old Joe to come along and kill him in hope he can regain his life back. We soon learn that the kid in that farm house is Danin the making. And that, by Old Joe fucking things up in the present (or past to him?) he might be fucking the future… but not really. Even if he gets headaches, he still remembers things that were supposed to be changed by then, but doesn’t the things that would lead him straight where he’s supposed to go instead of killing other kids or getting captured.
Bladdy bladdy blah later, we get the final confrontation. Old Joe hurts the kid in the mouth (to match the description of Dan in the future from the “urban legends” being told about him) and Young Joe understands everything: very appropriate to the movie title, time is a loop, where Old Joe was the originator of all the circumstances that led the kid to become evil and kill all Loopers in the future, so there was only one thing to do: shoot his own hand off so Old Joe would drop his weapon and then shoot him. Oh, no, wait, that’s what everyone else was thinking. He actually shoots himself and dies which makes Old Joe disappear. And thous ending the cycle. Right? Well, for the intentions of the movie, yeah, because the movie shows the happy ending. But it’s actually wrong. […]
As you can see, I figured out a shorter way to say all of this.